Back for a while

It's been a while I haven't login to this blog. Gosh, I hate the fact that my blog is truly scattered all over the place... Kangen pengen balik! Tapi blog ini jelek banget. Lay out bosenin, blah~

Anyway... I am still the same.. No?
The difference is, one of my dreams has been realized... ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

하나님... 진심으로 고맙습니다~

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Men's Attitude, his FLAW

pic source: www.asianinfo.org

Before you read this, I want you to know that I’m gonnabe mean. I have had this thought in my head for quite some time and I really want to spit it out right now.

This is about one of men’s attitude toward women. Talking about this thing is embarassing for me. I am a Javanese, and Javanese people do not talk about money like this. This is “saru”, but I can’t help not to write this out.

It was started with a conversation via phone with an old friend. He intended to meet me and I pointed a café to go. He suddenly hold back his request and said…
“I don’t think I have the money to go there”.
I said, “It’s ok. It’s on me”.
He said, “No, I should pay it. I don’t want you to pay for me”.
I said, “Are you ashamed?”.
“Yes. Girls should not pay.”
This remark really shocked me. Oh my goodness, I was suddenly reminded. When we went out, him, other friends and me, I never paid anything. He or other GUY friends always paid the bill. Yeah, it wasn’t fancy resto, but still they paid my bill too.

This fact reminded me of my ex (I swear to God that I will never reveal his identity). When we went out, we didn’t go out much, I am sure that I had paid the bill. Well, maybe he paid. Once, twice… I can count it with one hand and I am sure it won’t be more than that. All of those outings were not expensive outings. Believe me! It was always funny, when we finished with the eating, I’ll go to the cashier and pay the bill. I did it all the time until somehow I believe that it is my obligation to pay our bill. Until the phonecall above, I did not realize that as a guy, he was the one who should pay for my bill. He was my boyfriend, and I swear I have lowered my standard of what can be said as proper eateries and beverage. I had been living in Mars, where the women paid their men’s bills. For crying out loud!

That was not the end. I went to Jakarta recently doing my visa. I am really grateful with the help of some friends, I could finish it fast. One of them, he really helped me out with taking me here and there, when Jakarta’s weather was really hot and sunny. He had to work, still he helped me out with my things. He deserved a great lunch, right? So, we went to Jln. Jaksa and we ate something there. When I intended to pay, he forbid me. He said he’ll pay it. Fortunately, there was a phone call. He was on the phone when I walked to the cashier and paid our bill. When I came back, he looked shocked.
“Did you pay the bill?”
“Yup.” I said
“You shouldn’t. I wanna treat you. You rarely went to Jakarta and you’ve always wanted to go to Jalan Jaksa, remember? Now I want to treat you”.
“No, I should treat you because you have taken me everywhere today. It’s ok”.
“Gosh, I am so ashamed. Come on! How much did you spend? I’ll pay it.”
“Oh come on, I’m going next month. So, this is a thank you lunch”
“No!!!”
“Okay, then you can treat me when I am back here”.
“Geez… This is embarassing! Thanks a lot. You really shouldn’t pay!!”
…

That was our conversation last Friday. Again, I felt really flattered and hurt at the same time. Flattered because of my friend’s kindness and hurt because of my ex.

Those two friends were not alone. The day before I went to Depok to see my Korean friend, let’s call her D. I spent the night in her apartment. When we sat in the apartment’s verandah, sunddenly there were two Korean boys approaching. They were the friends of D. After a few chit chat, we were invited to a dinner. We will cook together, so we bought the cooking materials together. We went to the nearest supermarket. I picked my own materials because I wanted to “contribute” something. D did the same. When we went to the cashier, they grabbed all of our buys and paid them. I couldn’t argue because I don’t speak that much Korean and they were just in Indonesia for a month. They smiled and say, we men pay. I looked at D and she said “it’s normal for Korean guys to pay for women”. One more time, I have to face the reality that what I did (paying for my BF bills) were really improper. That evening was fabulous, we ate a lot. I was delighted, not to mention that one of that guy gave me a Korean – Indo conversation book and a face treatment mask (don’t ask me why he has such kinda thing, I don’t know).

Back to this ex. I really really kept this thing for myself, until today. I was to ashamed to say it to anyone that I did silly thing. I really want to warn the girls here, not to take men, who do not pay their bills, seriously. When they don’t have money, they should stay at home and watch Indonesian Football League instead of asking girls out and letting them pay the bills. Shame on you who do that! You really put your gentlemen quality into trash can. We, girls, do not want you to pay for us all the time. Believe me, it is no problem for us to open our purse and take out some rupiahs. But you guys, you really need to show how much you care for us and how you can take care of us. Isn’t it something normal that men should take care of their women??

PS:
I know I risk myself writing this. I just wanna show you that my stupidity should not happen to you, Girls. Pick your man. Pick a gentleman, kick the loser out.

Babooooo!!!

Ternyata orang sombong paling nggak tahan sama orang sombong lainnya ya…
Hahahaha…
Aku bener2 gak tahan sama manusia satu itu.
Di-tag di salah satu foto (bukan aku yang nge-tag) eh, di-remove sama dia. Padahal ga ada yang aneh dgn foto itu…
Diajakin chat, mbok ya jaga perasaan orang… Kalo emang ogah ngladenin, bilang aja sibuk… Eh malah tiba2 offline… Bokk, ndak punya manner ye…
Mending ganteng!!!!
Beuh!! Bikin esmosi jiwa aja!!
Awas klo ketemu suatu saat nanti! Kusiram aer comberan baru tau rasa!!!

I was over-reacting, I know…
Tapi untuk orang ini… Aku sudah tidak tahan lagi…

*jeritan hati orang yang emailnya kaga dibales??*

Now I am fighting with my own will to tag him!!
Duhhhhh!! Hentikan sok kecakepan itu karna kamu gak cakep!!!
Menyebalkan!!!

Me as a devoted CLOUD and an E.L.F

Compared to most of you here, I might be a Newbie.
I started to love 슈퍼주니어 on mid 2008.
I always love them as a whole and always got troubled.
Especially when asked to pick favorite member because basically I love them ALL.
My first MV was 행복, my first reaction seeing the MV was WTH!!
Sungmin was very feminine and Teukie was so girlie... :(
But the song lingers in my head all the time...
And since the first time I saw 행복, I already recognized a husky voice
that I like so much, but I had the problem finding out who was that guy >_(Gyaaaaaaaaa…. Mianhae, 왕자님)

Then my love grows stronger for 김종운
I began to notice his struggles during 슈퍼주니어’s early rise.
The feeling of being unrecognized somehow reminded me on my high school time.
He is a loner, me too.
I had to admit that during my “searching” time,
I found out that KyuHyun’s voice was quite enchanting. Yet, I always turn back to my 왕자님…
It is delightful to see him smiling.
His laugh is the most adorable laugh that I am always yearning for,
because it means he is happy.
Then, it delights me too…

Although he was late to be recognized by people,
but I do believe that his shines would never fade away.
It takes only once for you to listen to his voice, then your heart will be tangled forever. You might forget his face, but you will never forget his voice.


I am glad that I finally rest my heart on him.
To me, he is not just ordinary idol.
To me, he is a true companion.
To me, he is a true healer.
To me, he is a loyal friend.
To me, he is one of the reason to find my dream.
To me, he is SUPER PRECIOUS
To me, he is a PRICELESS TREASURE

I would never say I LOVE HIM
Never!
Because it is merely more than just LOVE

He is the most adorable guy I have ever known :)

as written in my SJ-world account :D

laugh at him...

yup!
He's my guy and he's that funny!!

Sexy! Sexy! Sexy!

hugs,
JINGGA

Congratulate ME??

-the pic of the certificate of admission is deleted since it contains private data-

Congrats to myself!!

*rolling on the floor because of happiness*

Yes, I am a STALKER!! Happy?!!!

I was waiting for an approval from Vladimir Kim and look what I got here!!!
I chat a few words, and as usual, it ended up really stupidly..
How can I forgot that facebook message so easily.
I sent him a message about his pic asking his approval to put his pic in my wall. HELLO!!!
I think anyone would be scared treated that way.
Foolish me....
Naneun neomu babo~

Look what I did...

click the pic to view my stupidity bigger...

Gosh!!! I am soooooo ashamed!!!
Really wanna kick my own butt, but I can't...

jingga

Happy Seong Min Day!!!

yaaaaaaaaayy!!
I can finally upload a .gif...

This is soooooo cute!!!

jingga

Alhamdulillah...

Dear Allah,
thank you for answering my prayer.
I LOVE YOU!!!

jingga

Within me...

Heartache

마음아뽀

Next month would be the month that decides my life. A life changing time. I should have done this before, but I believe it happens now for reasons. Only Allah SWT knows that, I never intend to find out though my curiosity drives me insane.

I’ve been hopeful. Too much hopeful. Believing that a miracle might happen and BOOM! my life changes in seconds.

I hold this hope tightly. I’ve never dreamt of anything like this before. Packing my things and transfer myself to the outer world which I know nothing about. Tons of worries hang on my shoulder, though it is not the time yet. I haven’t even got the decision.

I’ve been thinking about some things. Some things that might happen, and I am clueless about how to overcome or to be succeed. To win the battle of my own. I am must be out of my mind. Again.

My hopeful thoughts has driven liters of tears from my eyes. The fear of rejection has been there in front of my door. Knocking. Failure, though I experienced it a lot of times, seems to be unacceptable and heart-breaking. I am fragile, that’s not something new, but I want to be strong. As a woman. As a human. As His servant.

My prayer…

I believe I never pray this much in my life. Asking for a chance that might not happen in my life, again. Mid 2008, I was thinking to myself, why do I always leave the prayer room so fast, while the others are still there. They were asking, requesting, begging for something. And me? I just walked out that door, not needing anything beside the health of my parents and the happiness from my family. What about me? What is my request? What is my dream? What do I yearn for? Nothing. Until this time comes and Allah shows me that I need Him. I need Allah.

I’ve been arrogant, that’s the thing I won’t deny. But that day I confess everything, that I need Allah more than anything. I realize that Allah is the only way I can reach my dream. Allah is my source of life. Allah is my soul.

I asked Allah for forgiveness. For being cocky. For forgetting Him. Allah does not need me. I need Him.

I always love the way Allah embrace me back. Allah gives me this hope and deep down I know, Allah is the only one who can make it come true. It is so beautiful to know that Allah wants me back. Allah wants me to be His believer. I do believe in Allah. But never this much. I lay my life on Allah. I did what I could to reach my dreams and let Him decide the best thing for me.

In my prayer I told him over and over.

Ya Allah… please give me this opportunity. I beg you, please… You know how much I want to be abroad, no matter how, where, when. I’ve always wanted it since I learn my English for the first time.

Besides, I want to learn how to be responsible to my own life. I want to live with my own feet, try to cope with my own feeling, just to face life with the whole guts that I have. And of course, I am dreaming all the time to make my parents proud of me. That would be the bonus.

If Allah decides not to give me what I want, then… it must be the best for me. Lately, I can feel His enormous love for me. I’ve been bad, so ashamed to say this, but He took me back. He let me feel his Love again. I have to say, it is good to be loved, to feel loved. Thank you, Allah. I know, thank you would never be enough.

I just want to be strong on the day it is announced. I would do my best not to sulk or to question Allah’s privilege for it will only say one thing. Whatever it is, it’s gonnabe for my best.

Ya Allah…
I believe in you.
I put my faith on you with all my heart and soul.

Please forgive my whining and unthankfulness.
Please let me love you with all my heart and the strength I have.
You are the source of Love, Hope and Faith.

I LOVE YOU, and Love would never be enough.

Hugs,
Jingga